How to disagree with someone more powerful than you
①Your boss proposes a new initiative you think won’t work. ②Your senior colleague outlines a project timeline you believe is unrealistic. ③What do you say when you disagree with someone who has more power than you do? ④How do you decide whether it’s worth speaking up? ⑤And if you do, what exactly should you say?⑥Here’s how to disagree with someone more powerful than you.
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①You may decide it’s best to hold off on voicing your opinion. ②Maybe you haven’t finished thinking the problem through, or you want to get a clearer sense of what the group thinks. ③If you think other people are going to disagree too, you might want to gather your army first. ④People can contribute experience or information to your thinking—all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid. ⑤It’s also a good idea to delay the conversation if you are in a meeting or other public space. ⑥Discussing the issue in private will make the powerful person feel less threatened.
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①Before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about—it may be the credibility of their team or getting a project done on time. ②You’re more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a higher purpose. ③When you do speak up, don’t assume the link will be clear. ④You’ll want to state it overtly, contextualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable subordinate but as a colleague who’s trying to advance a common objective. ⑤The discussion will then become more like a chess game than a boxing match.
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①This step may sound overly deferential, but it’s a smart way to give the powerful person psychological safety and control. ②You can say something like, “I know we seem to be moving toward a first-quarter commitment here. ③I have reasons to think that won’t work. ④I’d like to lay out my reasoning. ⑤Would that be OK?” ⑥This gives the person a choice, allowing him to verbally opt in. ⑦And, assuming he says yes, it will make you feel more confident about voicing your disagreement.
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①You might feel your heart racing or your face turning red, but do whatever you can to remain neutral in both your words and actions. ②When your body language communicates reluctance or anxiety, it undercuts the message. ③It sends a mixed message, and your counterpart gets to choose what signals to read. ④Deep breaths can help, as can speaking more slowly and deliberately. ⑤When we feel panicky, we tend to talk louder and faster. ⑥Simply slowing the pace and talking in an even tone helps the other person cool down and does the same for you. ⑦It also makes you seem confident, even if you aren’t.
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①Emphasize that you’re only offering your opinion, not gospel truth. ②It may be a well-informed, well-researched opinion, but it’s still an opinion, so talk tentatively and slightly understate your confidence. ③Instead of saying: “If we set an end-of-quarter deadline, we will never make it,” say, “This is just my opinion, but I don’t see how we will make that deadline.” ④Having asserted your opinion (as a position, not as a fact), demonstrate equal curiosity about other views. ⑤Remind the person that this is your point of view, and then invite critique. ⑥Be open to hearing other opinions.”
